Dreams

I know I've mentioned here before about my prophetic dreams, so I'm not going to delve into the specifics again.

To date, the only dreams that have actually come true are the ones about people dying (irony at its finest, I swear) but a very long time ago, I started having dreams about the man I'm going to end up with someday. 

They've sort of happened in reverse order, in that the first dream I had we were actually planning our wedding, complete with happily picking out wedding invitations with my mom.  I never see his face.  In the first dream, after picking out invitations, I had to go somewhere and he walked me to my car.  After giving me a hug, I looked up at him and asked, "How am I going to find you when I wake up?"

Throughout the years I've dreamed about him from time to time, and can remember a few details - he drives a nice pick up truck, which is a work truck and he's some sort of skilled, blue-collar type worker - plumber, electrician, something along these lines.  From what I gather in my dreams he owns his company, and has a lot of work in new construction.

Weird facts, I know...but what can I say?

I've been so closed off to love for so long, that when I have a dream about love or being in love, especially involving this particular person, everything comes whooooooooooshing back.  All those warm, butterflies in your stomach, nothing in the world is wrong type feelings.  When I dream I'm in love, my entire body feels it IN REAL LIFE...sort of like the dream I had when I met Jesus.  (I think I've gone into this before...)

I thought that I was falling in love with Eric, but in hindsight, I don't really think it was LOVE.  I think he was my rebound guy, or my transition into at least knowing I was capable of being open to it.  But what I felt for him was nothing like what I feel in my dreams, and nothing like the love I've felt in the past.  If I can so easily let go of him as I have, and it really wasn't difficult once he started displaying his true self, then it couldn't have been REAL..it'd have been much harder to let go of if it was.

The thing is, when I wake up from these dreams, I'm soooo incredibly sad because it's not real.  I wake up lonely, with no one even in sight, with me not even being in a position to be considering being good for another human being, but with that aching desire to love and be loved.  It SUCKS. 

Last night I had a dream of a farmhouse of some sort, on a good amount of land.  He had bought the property for us and was about to surprise me with it.  Still, I haven't seen him, and even though I often have dreams of being with other people (both people I know and celebrities, etc..,) the dreams with him are different.  There's a comfortableness with him, there's an ease between us that I don't know if I've ever experienced before.

I wake up wanting to immediately go back to sleep (not uncommon for us depressive types so this definitely is NOT HELPING MATTERS) with an aching and a yearning for love that, I suppose, I'm glad is back (or is still there somewhere) but at the same time, oh the sadness.

**Edited to add - Eric drives a pickup truck...probably one of the things that got me feeling like maybe he was "it"?  Although he didn't fit the blue collar worker portion of things being a software engineer, but of course I told myself that maybe my self concious was seeing the word "engineer" and turned it into plumber, electrician in my head.  Do you see how my mind works???  It's no wonder I'm freaking crazy.